i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
