There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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