Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
one two three fourrrrnication!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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