dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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