South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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