I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
