Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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