I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i don't like sucking hair
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
