i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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