I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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