We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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