my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
