i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
