Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You made out with two different species that night
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
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he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
And then he peed in my hair
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