u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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