I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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