I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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