he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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