i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
please don't ironically join a cult
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