He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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