Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
