Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
