I got chris browned last night
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize