I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal