don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
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So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form