you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.