he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.