Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's