Where did you get a picture of my penis
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?