I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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