I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
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She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My breasts were aching with rage.
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I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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