was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
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That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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