My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
