there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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