dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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