how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
