If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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