You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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