Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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