the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones