I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold