I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
