Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
