The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I could make wine with my vomit
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Are we still banned from the library?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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