Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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