You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
