Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
