it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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