with your own penis?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
