I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
