This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
