Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
