Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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