how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
