I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
