We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
