i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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