Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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