I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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