we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
