Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize