I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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