if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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