If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just cropdusted the office
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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