If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
