I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
