why didn't you poke me back
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
